Monthly Archives: June, 2012

On The Outside Looking In

That there? One of my favourite songs, ever. And has been since I first heard it, however long ago that was. From that sax intro to the emotion Seger puts into the delivery to the lyrics themselves, its just one fucking kickass song.

And it spoke to me. That bit about walking in the diner and the customers blabbing about his long hair, “is it a woman or a man?” I knew those feelings.

Now I didn’t have long hair (although it has been longish) and I wasn’t a rock musician touring the control to ravage virgins(not when I was awake, anyway). But I could relate. I felt like I was on the outside, never in the group and at times I wanted long hair. I wanted to be tattooed from shoulder to wrist. I guess I felt if I was out there anyway, I might as well have a fucking reason for it.

See, I grew up in rural Kentucky. Tobacco country. A small town where farm kids regularly skipped school during the fall to strip tobacco (and I didn’t even live in town). And I read. A lot. Which makes you a nerd, apparently. And I wore glasses. Double nerd or something. Smart, good grades, shy, introverted, it all adds up. I wasn’t entirely friendless and I got along with everyone but it seemed as if I ceased to exist once I left their sight.  And I’ll be the first to admit that I didn’t go out of my way to be involved. Hindsight and all that, you know?

 

Now, it’s not so bad. Don’t feel like I’m looking through the window so much. A good woman does wonders for a man. I don’t think it’ll entirely go away. It’s part of my personality. Every so often I feel apart from everything, everyone else. And maybe that’s ok. It can be good for a writer to stand slightly apart from what he’s looking at, writing about. But at least now, I know it’s not permanent.

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